The principal of my sons’ school asked me if I was lonely. I laughed louder and harder than was necessary. No. I am not lonely. All three of my children have started school. This means that I drop them off at 7:40 a.m. and I pick them up at 2:45 p.m. every day. This means that I have seven glorious hours of uninterrupted work, play, lunch, do-whatever-the-hell-I-wanna-do time every day for the first time since my son Isaiah was born 11 years ago. I am not lonely. I am ambitious. I am busy. And for the first time in years, I am feeling more organized. Emphasis on “more.” The first week I swore I was going to celebrate with Mimosas. I didn’t. I dove head first into getting things done. I made appointments, scheduled lunches and made sure to be on time for pick-ups and drop-offs. The second week — on Monday — I dropped them off, grabbed my laptop and laid in bed for far too long binge watching something I can’t even remember right now. My motivation is slowing to a trickle. I am not lonely. I am tired. I am burned out. I don’t wanna do nothin’, honey. I have been feeling badly for my sudden attack of laziness. I have so much time and I find myself day dreaming about sleeping, wanting to be sleeping or sleeping. Instead of rest punctuating my work, my work is now interrupting my rest. I am daft. Of course, I am lonely. I have spent the past 11 years with toddlers on my legs while I furiously sent emails. I have made dinner over meetings while children ran through the room. I have taken them to events, fed them marshmallows under the table, nursed them, carried them, shushed them and taught them how to juggle life. I am their mother and their presence has changed the way I work, eat, sleep, breathe, love. How do any of you office dwellers get anything done without the pure adrenaline rush of raising your flock on conference call? The new normal is quieter and I don’t like it. It’s boring. While my boys are getting used to the new schedule of school, their mother is fighting off the doldrums of a home empty for seven uncomfortable, directionless hours. Oh, how I miss them and when they come home, I am so very happy. Don’t tell anyone. Love, Tashmica
As the founder & executive director of The Firecracker Foundation, Tashmica works to honor the bravery of children who have survived sexual trauma by encouraging the Mid-Michigan community to invest in the healing of their whole being. She is wife to a talented tile installer and mother to three boys made from the unique combination of thunder and lightning. Taking to the track as Nina Firecracker, Tashmica is one of more than 40 athletes playing roller derby with the Lansing Derby Vixens (LDV).