Quality Time: Understanding the Love Languages

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It is important to note that what makes one person feel loved emotionally is not always the same as what makes someone else feel loved emotionally. While the time you spend with your partner will not always be considered quality time, if that is your partner’s love language, you will want to designate specific times to spend as “quality time.” Planned togetherness requires effort but will add positivity to your relationship regardless of an individual’s love language of choice.

What is it?

Quality time means giving someone your undivided attention. Doing something your partner enjoys doing and enjoying it wholeheartedly. It is not enough to be in the same room with someone. You need to be participating in an activity together, which can make all the difference. All too often couples will think because they are in proximity to one another, it counts as quality time. Texting or scrolling through your phone while your partner is talking to you does not count as quality time. Whatever your chosen activity, be sure to be focused on your partner and the time you are spending together.

Learn to Communicate Effectively

Enjoy what author and associate pastor Gary Chapman refers to as “quality conversation,” which requires sharing thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly context. Focus on making eye contact with your partner to ensure that he or she knows your undivided attention is given. This is not a time to multitask – if you have another project to handle, be sure to put it to the side while you enjoy quality conversation with your partner. Listen for feelings and ask yourself what emotion your partner is trying to express to you in his or her communication. Observe body language for further hints as to how your partner is feeling. Make an effort to focus on not interrupting your partner. Research shows the typical person only listens for about 17 seconds before interjecting their own ideas. Focus on providing your undivided attention to your partner rather than considering your own opinions while he or she is speaking.

Take action

Make a list of things your partner likes to do then find the time to actually do them. Give yourself a goal of participating in one item on the list per week, then give yourself two months before you check back in with yourself to see if you actually achieved your goal. Explore quality activities where the goal is being together. A quality activity is something that at least one of you wants to do that the other is willing to do, and it provides the both of you the opportunity to be together. Ask yourself when you feel the most loved, then ask your partner the same question. Practice quality conversation as you share your ideas and make an effort to participate in those actions often. If you were unable to achieve your goal, you will need to examine why. Why did you make the choice to not make the time for your partner relationship? Long days and busy schedules can often make a relationship slide down the list of priorities. Make sure your relationship thrives as your partner feels your love through expression of the love languages


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