With a Capital EM: It’s Not Easy (Or Pretty) Being Green

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A trip to France. A huge tax return. A luxury vehicle. Sounds like a nice line up, huh? Unfortunately, these things aren’t mine. They are just a few of the things that have caused me to go green in the past month or so. And not the good kind of green where you load up all of your paper goods into a large bin and place it roadside, the bad kind of green — the envious kind. It’s a major character flaw for sure, but the truth is, I’m a jealous person. With age, I’ve luckily increased my ability to be happy for other people, most importantly, in the moment when they share their happy news with me. But because I’m a great multi-tasker, I still manage to find time for jealousy. I realize this is not a popular admission and it’s certainly not something people talk about. But I think it’s important to put it out there, because the fact of the matter is, I cannot be alone. I’m sure there is a doctor somewhere out there who would have a field day tracing the roots of my jealousy. Personally, I think it all began when my friend Maureen received the Little Tikes Red Car and I did not. A few years later my sister got the same car and I’ll never forget the feelings of rage, confusion and anger (read: jealousy) that arose. Throughout the years what I’ve been jealous of has changed — a killer beach body, a Kate Spade bag, hard wood floors — but the gross feeling jealousy leaves behind has not. What makes it all the more horrible is that I’ve lived an incredibly awesome life. I have nothing to be jealous of. I’m not sure if there is a solution or if I’ll ever be cured. I think with age, the ugly green monster has gotten better, so I can only hope that pattern continues. The reality is, someone will always be richer, skinnier, faster, better and we, as humans, just have to deal. We — I — have to find a way to remind myself daily how fortunate I am, how much I have to be thankful for and strive to make the world a better place, instead of a greener (with envy) place.
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Tags: envy, green, jealousy, with a capital em

Emily Caswell

Emily Caswell is the Managing Editor of CAWLM. She has a passion for fun, family, friends, shopping sprees, cold drinks and Lansing.

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